Helping Children and Caregivers Cope
June 15, 2009
KwaZulu Natal, South Africa
AIDS has burned through South Africa like a brush fire out of control. One of the most devastated areas is KwaZulu Natal, the mountain region better known for its spectacular beauty. Its lushness is in sharp contrast to the stricken lives of the local people. In the blaze’s wake, grieving, abandoned children are left in the care of grandmothers (‘gogos’) who are hard pressed by hunger, bewilderment and loss.
In the scattered and remote viAfrica has never seen an entire generation of children so bereft. And Africa is going to depend on their resilience.llages where the Rob Smetherham Bereavement Services for Children (RobS) works, small miracles are taking root in the ashes. RobS, with its highly skilled and caring facilitators, trains local grassroots groups to offer bereavement support to gogos and children.
It’s a tough sell. Often, the overburdened local grandmothers turn up at initial meetings expecting food aid, and cannot understand the value of the psychosocial support offered.
Thembi, 55, a strong and locally respected figure, arrived at the group frustrated and angry. She wanted help to discipline and control her 14 year old granddaughter, or elsehave her sent away. She had raised this orphan from childhood and was hurt and angry that the girl had dropped out of school, become disrespectful and wanted to live elsewhere. (Imagine the youths’ inner grief and turmoil: half the 15 year olds in South Africa will not live to 60).
Explaining the crisis to a group of grandmothers, Thembi wept bitterly. The others sympathized — they, too, were at a loss to deal with these difficult youngsters. Hitting was their all-too-common response, further harming the relationship with the child.
Patiently, the RobS Community Facilitator persuaded the gogos to join in making dolls, and then use the dolls to play-act their own childhood feelings. Amidst high-spirited laughter and some tears, their resistance began to crumble. Soon, Thembi was taking home the lesson of ‘affirmation’. She sat with her granddaughter, held her hands, and tried to tell the girl how much she was loved. She spoke, not in reproof, but of all that she found to cherish in the child. And at that moment, their lives began to turn around.
Thembi’s young granddaughter is back at home, at school, happier and co-operative. Thembi finds ever more patience and love to express — and now works to encourage other gogos to participate and persevere.
RobS, using therapeutic play techniques, works with many local development organizations as well as directly with hundreds of children and their caregivers to embed this message of hope and healing: Children who receive everyday care and affirmation from the people they love grow up more resilient. Africa has never seen an entire generation of children so bereft. And Africa is going to depend on their resilience.